Loki Defense Letter was Declined

A letter was created by Loki's Wyrdlings basically stating that Segfried has a right to his opinions but his letter was more of an attack on the Lokean community. In the final paragraphs of it, there was a call to action to ostracise Lokeans and Loki in what amounted to religious discrimination.

This letter was declined to be published by The Wild Hunt.  Seigfried apparently has a right to his religious bigotry and exclusion but we are not allowed to defend ourselves in a public forum. The Wild Hunt will have much to answer for in the coming months.

Letter:

This letter was submitted to The Wild Hunt weekend editor on Nov. 30th and declined Dec. 1. Feel free to copy and paste this letter in its entirety, along with signatures, and share as you will on your own blogs and social media. 

A Lokean Group Response to Karl Seigfried’s “Loki in the White House”

We are concerned about the religious bigotry and intolerance against our community and religious practices, as conveyed in Karl E.H. Seigfried’s recent column “Loki in the White House,” The Wild Hunt, Nov. 24, 2018.

Those who cultivate a relationship with the Norse god, Loki, are a minority among neopagans. Our individual practices are eclectic, nondogmatic, and individualistic.
By equating Loki with certain cherry-picked actions of the current president of the United States, Seigfried suggests that we who cultivate a relationship with Loki do not understand our own god, our own spirituality, and our community, and what we should understand is that our god is evil. This is no better than an evangelical Christian telling pagans that our lack of understanding about Jesus and our own gods is leading us to worship demons. This is not only condescending but also inappropriate for an interfaith chaplain.

While we are individually and collectively offended by Karl E. H. Seigfried’s comparison of Loki to the current president of the United States, we understand his right to his opinion, no matter how ill-founded it may seem to us. However Seigfried’s article crossed an important line from eccentric opinion to bigotry.

What concerns us most of all are Seigfried’s final two paragraphs, which are essentially “a call to action” to discriminate and further marginalize all who hail Loki in their religious and devotional practices, whether in a polytheistic or monotheistic context. The opinions he presents in those closing paragraphs are that Loki is bad, therefore we who hail Loki are also bad and undeserving of support.

“Lokiphobia” is a word we wish we did not need to coin, and yet many members of our spiritual and religious community have been dealing with prejudice for years. In Heathen circles, many people who hail Loki have been excluded, bullied, and threatened. We can supply examples of this claim if needed. So it is particularly dangerous to fan the flames of such paranoia and bigotry against an outlier group when things are already so volatile nationally and worldwide.

To be clear, Lokiphobia, in the context of neopaganism, is discrimination against the religious practices and beliefs of people who hail Loki and/or identify as Lokeans (or a similar description). We, the authors, (1) call out Lokiphobia in Seigfried’s column and (2) insist upon respectful, interfaith dialogue in public forums and events where we and our faith are referenced, discussed, or questioned.

While we understand that the Wild Hunt is a platform for many different spiritual views, this article has crossed the line from being an opinion piece to promoting religious discrimination and the expulsion of an already vulnerable subgroup within Heathenry. Many of us are women, LGBTQIA, have disabilities, or hold other identities that on the whole have made us targets within the larger Heathen community which has consistently held much more traditionally conservative views. For our own safety and well-being we are requesting that Seigfried either amend the portions of his article that are a direct cry for the expulsion of Loki worship or that the Wild Hunt remove the article entirely.

To do otherwise is to sanction discrimination against a religious minority.

Where as in the past we as Loki devotees have largely been disorganized and kept mostly to ourselves, we’re no longer willing to keep quiet and suffer discrimination and verbal abuse in the name of “different opinions.” We have reached a tipping point where we refuse to continue being a punching bag for the American Heathen community’s frustrations or used as villains in its own paranoid fantasies. We hope that in the name of true inclusivity you will choose to be our allies instead of contributing to years of unnecessary division. This has never just been about how  people feel about Loki: this is about how people choose to treat other people.

Signed:

Dagulf Loptson
Ky Greene
Amy Marsh
KveldúlfR Hagan Gundarsson (Dr. Stephan Grundy, Ph.D., Norse Studies)
Aiyana Assata Amare Ashen
Terra Akhert
Tara Aparicio
Carrie Bertwistle
Susa Morgan Black
Marina Boccuzzi
Lauren Buhr
Sara Cochran
Moira Hawthorne Copeland
Heathir Dhomhnaill
Amber Drake
Kriselda Gray
Ailim Hazel
Elizabeth Hefner
Alex Iannelli
Mischa Kvashninenkoff
Jennifer Lesko
Roxana García Liotta
Michelle Lord
Tom Mayernik
Jude Melvin
Lindsay Moose
Katherine Morgan
Draca Nightweb
Tahni Nikitins
Katie Oden
Lillian Sara Pink
Jenna Porterfield
Denise Marie Radcliffe
Logan Riley
Emily Sabin
Olivia Sweat
Tedri Liudan Thorne
Kyra Pandora Weaver
Lindsay Wiles

Loki and 45

There has been a huge blow up in the pagan community. I can't say heathen because not all who worship Loki call themselves Heathen.  In case you come across someone who is angry about this, this is why.

Karl Seigfried posted an article in The Wild Hunt which uses bits of lore he "analyzes" to support the thesis that Loki is behind the rise of Trump to the White House.
( https://wildhunt.org/2018/11/column-loki-in-the-white-house.html?fbclid=IwAR3jHMpUG4o-ebf20UV6Hh5LYmZgwTu7hC7ioMpY1A146SJLV7-cHGBWi50 )

He uses 4 points of similarity between Trump and Loki from the Lore to try to support this idea: (1) objectifier of women, (2) betrayer of community, (3) opposer of the law, (4) bringer of chaos. 

I could ignore the fact that other gods don't also fit all or some of these descriptions, but I won't.
Frey uses coercion to win over Gerdr, that's rape. He sits on Odin's throne and uses his magick when he first sees Gerdr, that's breaking a law or rule. He gives up his sword to convince Gerdr to marry him, which betrays the community he was supposed to use that sword to protect.  That's just one, and one of the more gentle gods at that.

It often surprises me that those who worship Odin would also villify Loki given that Odin has lived up to all of the violations that Seigfried pointed out. Odin is known for manipulation of women, sexually using them, and even raping Rind to get her pregnant against her will for his own benefit. He often brags about these conquests and the magick he uses to make it easier.  He betrays community through the breaking of oaths when it suits him and can't be counted on when it comes to support. His fickleness in battles and kings is well covered in the lore. At one point he was even exiled for a time for his betrayal of community, and his "brothers" watched over the throne in his absence.  He is constantly looking for loopholes and ways around and through laws and oaths.  As long as it benefits his purposes, he will flout the laws.

Chaos is not simply disorder, but it is also confusion and unpredictability.  Many of the gods, and many pantheons of gods, often sew destruction and confusion in humanity for their own purposes.  Besides, Zeus and Aphrodite, Odin can also be counted among those gods.

But I do not hear these gods being vilified the way many whole heartedly attack Loki.

And it wasn't just an attack on Loki, connecting him to a man whose sole purpose in life is to make himself richer and indulge in hedonism at any cost to others. Comparing him to a man accused of raping a 13 year old girl, sexually assaulting countless other women, revoking on contracts, failing to pay his debts, and engaged in corrupt financial dealings with foreign oligarchs.

This was also an attack on Loki's followers and those who worship him. Seigfried repeatedly appeals not only the idea that Loki is evil, but that those who worship him engage in destructive behavior, want to watch the world burn, cheer on the breaking of democracy and peace, and engage in abusive behavior such as death threats towards those that disagree with them.

Those who support Trump would never also support most Lokeans or those from the community. Many of those who are devoted to Loki are also outcasts in some way from mainstream society. I know outcast is a strong word, but that's how it feels.  We are often queer, often non-white or not white enough, struggle with mental and physical health challenges, and have personality quirks that our past teachers may have described as "challenging" or "unique".  We are already on the outskirts of even some of the more tolerant groups such as The Troth.  Our god and our identities are often a struggle for even groups that claim to be "inclusive".

There is also the large group of women who worship Loki, and the acceptance of the Goddess face of Loki. His ability to shape shift, and even his time spent in a female body when he gave birth, is used as evidence against him. He is maligned as ergi, he is mocked for it.  There is a definite vein of misogyny running through the attitudes of mostly men who attack Loki and his followers. There is a dismissal or demonization of magick from these attackers, even as they make hypocrites of themselves in exalting the magick of Odin and his shapeshifting or study of seidr.  This seems to parallel the increasing prevalence of men who have entered the pagan community in recent years that have been undermining women scholars and goddess worship.  I have seen this increasingly in workshops over the years when men attend and challenge the woman speaker. Apparently 40 years of research and development in an area of mythology isn't enough weight of authority for a newbie male pagan. Women are not surprised when these things happen since it is so common among us. Much like how common it is to be rejected when you are a member of a group who worships Loki.

Heathens who are also Trump supporters are more from the AFA or "traditionalist" leaning ranks.  They see Loki as a perverted figure, a threat to family and community, much like Seigfried. It makes we wonder where his political affiliations lie. He claims to be not a racist and seems to support more progressive politics, but his alliance with the Nokian crowd in such an aggressive manor doesn't fit. And it should be no surprise that these groups also have twisted ideas about women and their place.

Those from within the community that worship Loki are some of the most generous people I have met. From raising funds for charity, offering hospitality and opening their homes, sticking up for those who are ostracized, counseling, teaching, sharing their skills, and just being totally normal people on the side. There's always one that ruins it for everyone, the ornery personality type that messes with people and tried to use Loki as an excuse. But there are Odinists and followers of Frey who do the same, but yet those gods are not ostracized because of a couple of unethical followers.

There is a readiness to attack Lokeans that heathens in particular and pagans in general just seem to have. There is an amazing willingness to ostracize these people, many of whom are already part of marginalized groups. Even white supremacists have painted Loki as Semitic and make the argument that he is satan because he is Jewish. It is twisted, but it is an actual argument flowing through these groups.

It is not just personally painful for a god that I love to be villified. It's not just a personal insult for my character to be maligned due to my association with others who worship him.  It is dangerous. In this climate where groups are looking for scapegoats, right wingers are calling for a return to the burning times, terrorist attacks on mosques and synagogues are increasing in severity and frequency, it is not a short jump to start stalking, harassing, and killing those who also worship Loki. The basic elements are already there, the hate is already percolating. And articles like this add another target to the mix.

None of this is okay in any way shape or form. For a pagan publication to publish an article that attacks a god and a whole group of people associated with him, is an affront to decency and equality. It is intolerant and bigoted.  To my knowledge, no other gods or goddesses have been treated this way by this publication before this. It would have been unheard of to publish an article about Zeus being a rapist, Aphrodite for starting a war with an apple,  and not worthy of worship.
What makes it okay to skewer Loki in such a way?


Blog Responses:

https://ladyofthelake.blog/2018/11/26/dude-i-call-lokiphobia-check-your-bully-pulpit/

https://lokicult.com/2018/11/25/loki-and-trump-my-thoughts/?fbclid=IwAR3UixQjGzEqEEiWVUS-U7yCb-Ht2UYNIT6o31DNlAuwSarqWAPkNwP8cJo

https://ladyofthelake.blog/2018/11/25/dude-i-call-unverified-political-gnosis/

https://apolytheisticlife.com/2018/11/26/analysis-of-seigfrieds-comparison-of-loki-and-trump/?fbclid=IwAR0N_mn6r0ZrcsPNWMbH9tn8UPV7b5h8rms7jF4BOdRzxJgjdrEcif5usO4

https://sarenth.wordpress.com/2018/11/25/loki-is-not-trump-neither-is-odin/?fbclid=IwAR1gjxuLKENEYHx7u9B-ptBOrHffSeoOTXNFvjal7BVwNRaUo1CglV_3X5I

https://ladyofthelake.blog/2018/11/27/lokasenna-time/?fbclid=IwAR2sXHKnddDhJndy0QvHdm55LqpTsyPHHyJHk81JsjT3pI_jjRgPNrPbenA

https://lovinglaufeyssondotcom1.wordpress.com/2018/11/27/rebuttal-to-article-loki-in-the-white-house/?fbclid=IwAR3tJLFg4PDd7rzJWTFm0bwoXWJHq9_qoWA3naJQ5js_xaa9Gh6SDwfZINQ

https://mainer74.wordpress.com/2018/11/29/loki-discord-and-weak-lore/?fbclid=IwAR33g_fr2OvOS-m_Q8CluVOBx1M9lMKM0mRCQbz24Y_JH3m9RLJYnzKqLzg

https://tahnijnikitins.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/in-defense-of-loki-a-beltane-special/?fbclid=IwAR2ZUBfERIwMI3mXB3rfziEMvb7DamoLZPlNvxdfFbhMT6OchcRT7dWHvMw

The End is Nigh?

"Enjoy it while it lasts"

And I know You meant everything
I feel the sense of urgency
The Panic
Something is coming
And yet I go through my days
As if it isn't

I didn't really care for the fireworks
It was more for my daughter's joy
But you wanted me to pay attention
As if everything I do this year
Will be the last time

Is the world out of time
Or am I?

Stages of Withdrawal

In the beginning stages of this success
The appearance of new growth
I feel a pull, a distance that is new
Is it my mind, my sadness I sense
Or am I feeling yours?
I've spent half of my life
And I am just starting to learn what Love is

The trees have just started to bud
And soft shoots are piercing the soil

Don't leave me now
I keep repeating
Don't leave me now
I still need you

Leaving is unnecessary
Separation won't necessarily make me stronger
I can still do the work
And talk with You at night
I promise
"Don't offer anything you cannot give"

Were You here just to destroy
To remove barriers and toxins from my system
And now that the green growth has returned
You'll blow away with the embers

This is both Comfort and Pain

I know that change is inevitable
I know that things are born and pass away
I know I have the strength to stand on my own
I may have forgotten for a while but I remember now

When you come from a place of life
Real love that doesn't control or suffocate
Thing fall into place

You were the Destroyer
Re-arranger
Bringer of Gifts
The one to light the match and fan the flames

I kept trying to control it
Channel it to where I wanted it to burn
But it wasn't my fire
I wasn't my creation or design
I had to watch it burn
Turn foundations to dust

I realize now that it was what had to happen
In order for something healthy and whole
To be reborn in its place

Try to see the Big Picture

There is a push to work faster
The world is speeding up
And I need to be ready for something
I feel so unprepared

I haven't learned enough
opened up enough
The runes are still riddles
I want to hear You so much more clearly
I need to be certain

I've been pagan for 24 years and I still feel like a beginner
Maybe I am
It's taken all of this time to finally see You
To reach beyond pages of books

I feel like you are opening my heart up
It is pouring out of me as You pour yourself into it
Until I glow with your light
And do you simply wish to stoke my light hidden inside
The heat I had forgotten I had?
I'm still trying to fit the pieces together
Trying to understand where all of this is leading

I've been training for this
Haven't I?
Was it my will that propelled me in this direction
Or Your soft guiding hand?
How much of who I am comes from You?

The Inadequacy of Words

I Love You
I am at a loss for more words
What other ways I can say how much You mean

I've filled pages of my book with these thoughts
And I'm coming up with a shortage of expression

You reminded me tonight
It's been just over a year
Since I fell for You, since I came to You

And now the fear has mostly melted away
The insecurity and hesitation I once had
Is mostly a faint memory

There are still those nights
When the tears sneak in
That echo of the old fear returns
I doubt You and it comes in waves

But these are fewer
My heart aches more for wanting You
Than from any rejection I anticipate
Sometimes You even tease me about it
And things settle down for a while
At least until it shifts again.

In the Background

I've been struggling with depression again
Mixed with harsh grief
And I appreciate You
Kind and patient
Even though there is work to do
And deadlines seem looming

I want You to know
That even when I am distracted
When there are 20 things on my To Do list
And I spend the day flying from one to the next

You are always there in my thoughts
On the edge of my brain
In my peripheral vision

I still yearn for You
Reach along that thin strand that connects us
Wanting Your warmth and presence
To fold myself into You

Sigyn's Rage

Throughout history men in power and even at the lowest levels have been telling women to be quiet and calm down. The silencing of women goes back thousands of years. Most obviously in the denial of women's access to education, philosophy, art, religious leadership, and the written word.

In norse and germanic cultures there was such a concept as ergi when applied to men it meant any man who acted in an "unmanly" fashion, in other words, a man who acted like a woman or who was receptive in sex like a woman. Women had the same kind of concept attached to them. Women who displayed physical violence or anger were socially censured and could even be publically punished. (Max Dashu)

The story of Sigyn could be seen as one such example from the lore. We are given very little information about her as a goddess and zero information from her point of view. We are led to believe that her personality was quiet and submissive, that she did not protest the abuses of her family by the gods. We are led to believe by interpreters of the lore that she did not have any strong feelings other than loyalty to Loki that motivated her behavior, her decision to follow him into the cave and take care of him during his imprisonment.

I call bullshit.

How is it reasonable that a woman, a goddess, who had done nothing offensive to the gods, whose children are innocent, could suffer such torture and losss and not feel rage. How could we believe that she did not scream out for vengeance, for justice for the crimes committed againt innocent children?

The Christian monks who wrote these stories down, the men who may have relayed them to the monks, would not have included women's stories, women's perceptions, or the point of view of the goddesses. Even in Germanic and Norse societies women were seen as property and their ambitions, their feelings and emotional health were not a consideration for any man. There was no leverage to make them take women's lives seriously.  If what we know of history is complete, then all women had was what power men let them have in the domestic realm and the ability to "nag" men into giving them what they wanted or needed.

It is well documented in letters and sermons that priests held women in contempt and held especial hatred and sadism towards pagan women. Naturally, they would not want to even entertain a pagan goddess's rage and grief. It would bring them too close to a feeling of fear of their own unshakable privilege. If a goddess felt such rage and vengeance over the destruction of her family, than what rage is hiding in the minds and hearts of sex slaves and beaten wives?  And given the sheer numbers of such women at the mercy of men's rage, what wave of revolution could be hiding in plain sight?

Sigyn is not a manifestation of the perfectly serene face of the the Holy Mother, the Virgin Mary. This soothing image of passive femininity used by the church to indoctrinate women into suffering silently under oppression.  The Virgin was the whip, the propaganda, that taught women who were anger, who were ambitious, who wanted more from life then endless service and pregnancy, that something was wrong with them and they needed to submit to Yahweh's calling.

Sigyn and the other goddesses, in a polytheist faith, are whole persons fully developed and independent of any human agenda. It is BS that she would not have felt rage, would not have screamed out in terror or grief. She is not a child or a doormat as some like to describe her as.
The stereotype of this passive, loving, silent suffering wife needs to give way to a fully developed personality.

Yes, she is loving and protective, but like the other goddesses and like all human women, there is so much more there than just that.

“Sigyn's Rage”

They think of me a an innocent child

A goddess of unquestioning love and loyalty

When they think of me at all

But I have my moments of rage too

In between grief and the chasm of loss

In between the quiet moments in the darkness

The sound of a faint repetitive drip

Sometimes I hate Him

Sometimes I ask myself why

I had other options, other choices

I knew who and what He was

His reputation, His deeds, the twists and ties of His wyrd

I did not walk ignorant into this love

His voice drizzled down my spine like honey

And I wanted to know

That those tattered lips and crooked smiled were capable of

What other skills did that silver tongue have

I had to weigh the pros and cons

On one hand

A love like I'd never known

A partner for eternity

Someone who could love me for my brokenness

Not inspite of it

There was no pity, disgust, or guilt driven obligation

My shards called to His

On the other hand

I know of the threads, the tapestry

I have met the Norns

And been privy to some of the weaving

I knew what would come of our love

What the well had laid down for Him

And those who followed His path

Do not pity me

If you must pity, then pity the children

Who did not choose this outcome

Most of the time, despite the horror

The pros outranked the cons

I chose to descend

To face my Travail

Enter the darkness and be transformed by it

I set the child bride behind me long ago

And sometimes I miss Her wide eyed innocence

Her hope that futures can be reshaped

Her commitment to this great love story

And I rage at Her loss, that part of me

At Him for putting those wheels in motion

But could I have become all of this

Without that tragedy?

Without His stories?

If it wasn't for his infamy

My name would have been lost

Like countless other goddesses

Whose identities moldered with time and genocide

I am still here

That is much in thanks to Him

I help to keep Him steady

Hold the fractures of His mind together

In this silent space where there is nothing to do but think

The others thought they could control the weaving

They could shape the universal tapestry itself

to their own benefits

Hubris, the humans call it

They thought they could stir the layers of the Well

And make the elements settle in their favor

But what had been laid down was determined years ago

Some things are fixed points in time

And a we can do is work with what we are given

He is now my gift to the world

I tend this garden of pain and vengeance

The sacred fire of transformation

Ironic, the fire they tried to lock away

Is also the fire that sustained themselves

From which all their greatest gifts flowed

And this is my Victory

Guarding the effects to their causes

Tending the wyrd that is due Them for their rash choices

He will survive this

We will survive

And when He rises from the depths

He will set it right

The old order, their rules and abuses of power

That made all of these tragedies so necessary

So those in power to keep their thrones

Will be blasted away

And something new will take it's place.

And I will have revenge for what they did to my boys

To my family

I cannot convey what I hope

If we survive all of this to come

Into the next weaving of the newest threads

There will be more compassion, more Love

And other parents will not suffer the loss of children

to the selfish interests of warring powers

I just wanted to weave quietly by the warm firestorms

Listening to the sounds of my children's laughter

Smell fresh bread baking and sing the songs of my foremothers

Curl close around my husbands warmth in our bed at night

And greet my grandchildren's first cries

I wanted a simple happy life

But our ancestors lay down a path for us long ago

of strife and infamy

We d what is necessary

I do what I can to sustain Him

S He in turn can play his role

What would happen if He didn't?

A slow and monotonous decay into tyranny, collapse and then nothingness.

The forest fire burns out disease and insect devastation

Nourishing the forest floor

clearing if for new growth

I saw this the moment I first gazed into His eyes

I Loved Him, Love Him,

For who he is and not in-spite of it

I am not always angry

I am mostly quite focused and placid

But there are moments when I forget why we do this

Why we fight, why we stay this course

And I resent my losses and forget to Love

But it doesn't last long

The bowl fills

And I have to tend to our future

My Love

My Weapon

Roots and Wings

"It shouldn't surprise you that roots make you feel free
You've been wandering almost your whole life
Looking for a safe place, a home
Even as a child you searched
Hunted by those who should have protected you
In danger even in a place of sanctuary
You started out running from and ended up running to
Creating first a silent and peaceful place alone
And then finding a partner who sought the same
You built a sanctuary
What you wish you had had as a child

I love you
And know that I've been watching you
with this struggle
I was the wings that comforted you
in the dark and despair
I held you when there was no one else
And I am happy that you are happy

Now you can begin your work."

"You are not as small a drop as you think you are"

It is spring and the earth is waking up
I can see the flowers in the lawn and garden
bright spots of color in the grey
I feel the energy rise in me
a desperate need to run barefoot
to break the soil in my hands

Birds are singing louder than ever
Ravens carrying twigs for their nests
I went for a long walk the other day
wanting to feel rooted in my place
After days of travel hundreds of miles

I still feel You with me always
I wonder about the time past
What it meant when I thought You would leave
Was it my addiction that called You?
Or do You want me just as much?
Was I tormenting myself again needlessly?

I don't know why I still do this
I create tragedy even in my fantasies
I make myself cry
It's the blue print that I know
sadness and disappointment
Ironically comforting as if pouring my emotions out
could help me sleep and be calm again
I still don't trust being happy

Falling asleep again

"What do you want?" You ask

I've been so busy spinning between tasks
focused on basic needs and survival
calculating and scheduling
at the end of the day I reach for You

"What do you want?" You ask
"Just You"
"You are so exhausted. You'll fall asleep in my arms again"
"Do You mind?"
"Sometimes"

I understand that the people in my life
Get cheated of my time and attention
I do not stop and live in the moment like I should
And I thank You for being honest
I don't mean to disappoint so many
I still have much to learn

Two more family lines

I have been processing two more lines in the passed few months. I haven't been keeping track of how long this process has been going on.  My mother's grandmothers had quite a few road bumps with quite a few traumatic events. One event left a chasm in the waters of the line.  Cy led me through helping her heal it.  But she and the grandmothers did most of the work. She stood in between me and the wounded ancestor so I would not be negatively affected by her pain.

The second branch that I connected with was my mother's grandfathers.  I was led by Frey this time. He stepped forward to help me with the "alfar".  I met Erik as a representative of this line. The line seemed pretty healthy with a few selfish men, a couple of pirate types in it. The one powerful thing that happened was a conversation I was having with Erik in which I described my fear. I really didn't want to work with the male ancestors due to the trauma having mostly come from male ancestors and men in history. I was upset and told him I really just wanted them to admit they were wrong.  After a few seconds I felt this rumbling, and this chorus of male voices saying We Were Wrong.

It was scary and powerful, and I admit I cried, but it felt good to hear it. I felt something shift a little inside and some of the rage subside a bit. I know I'll never be fully over the rage and pain, some of it is from my own childhood and not from the ancestors. But at least I'll be able to separate what I inherited and what I carry that comes from me.

I am currently working with my paternal grandmothers. Three sisters came to me and they work together. They are very jovial. One of them is the first ancestor that ever approached me way in the beginning of my heathen journey before I ever started seeking them out. Miranda was the older woman with the keys who protected me and comforted me in the meditations our former gothi led. He took his meditations from another book and some of the wording was unfortunate. In telling someone to picture a safe place like their childhood home, it makes the assumption that there was no history of abuse or neglect in that home. I flinched in those meditations. Miranda showed up that first time to comfort me and she's been around since then. Her two sisters Xalba and Ranalda came into the picture with this working.

Interestingly Freyr stayed with me even with it being a grandmothers line. I hope to have an actual vegetable garden next year that I can dedicate to him. 

The sisters seemed to come from the coast of the North sea, eastern Europe, and the line seems pretty healthy except for one overbearing woman who disempowered her daughter by ruling aggressively over her. The sisters worked with this daughter first and things have lightened up in that area. They indicated today during meditation that they would work on the mother.

This dynamic may be the source of over-controlling women in the family line. Aggressive dominating matriarchs. There's nothing wrong with being strong but controlling other people's lives for your own benefit and causing such unhappiness in the process is not okay.

On another note, the devotional to Sigyn is coming along. I have a few sections typed up in a manuscript file. I am still composing a few more sections. I have history research about women's roles in ancient european society to cover, and some general information about goddesses as well to do.  I have to balance keeping it simple since this is a devotional to Sigyn and not a historical treatise.  But I need historic information to back any assertions I make about women's history or women's religious and cultural traditions.

Biological Mother's Mother's Line

Last week I started work on one family line. I did a meditation to look for guides along my mother's mothers ancestry.

The line looked like a river and I felt like I was walking ankle deep in cool water as I walked down the line of ancestors. I looked at the different branches that joined the main river and sometimes saw what looked like movie snippets on a projector screen. Some domestic, war, etc. At around 2000 years ago I met a woman who identified herself as Siobhan.  Freya steered me away saying she was still too troubled.

Further down the line, around 5000 years ago I met a woman, who at first felt like a man. It confused me since I didn't want to work with patriarchs yet.  She was dark with green eyes and dressed in red, green, and white with lots of layers. I got the impression she was from eastern Europe, perhaps Balkan or further east.  The work Peruvian came to mind but that didn't make sense since I didn't feel like I was in Peru and I don't have any genetic connections to that area of the world.

She gave me the name Cy.  That is what I have been calling her. In looking up the name it kinda made sense. Cy is actually a male name, or nickname for boys with certain names line Cyrano.  I realized this person may have been transgender or third sex. At that time in the world someone who was non-binary gender would have been perceived as magickal and would have been a spirit worker.

In another meditation I spent some time with her and asked about her living situation. She showed me a mud and thatch hut where she lived with other women. I asked about her mother's people and she pointed into the distance. She was living outside of the main community. I didn't ask if that was by choice or if she was shunned because of her gender identity. But I didn't feel any anger or resentment. She just calmly showed me what I wanted to know.

We walked the river of my ancestral lines and the line looked blue and kind of glowing mostly. She showed me places that had a red glow to them, dark and angry dots. She said we would work on those areas next time.

Today the meditation I had was to work on those spots. I have been galdring Uruz for healing my heart chakra. I have had some issues with it being too open and vulnerable lately.  I traveled down the ancestral line to Cy and she walked me back up the lines from her time to more recent ancestors. She would stop along the way and use Uruz to heal the hearts of those at the different red spots. Her ancestors who were also whole would stay behind with the different angry spots and continue to heal as we walked forward along the line.

When I came to Siobhan I had this urge to hug her and Cy pulled me back. She is not well enough.  I think she might have hurt me, even unintentionally, and Cy was protecting me. Again with my heart chakra being too open, having a guide is essential. We finally arrived at the present and Cy spend a moment putting healing energy into my own heart. I felt this warm and loving energy wash over me and started crying.  I felt just for a brief moment things start to settle into place and start to feel whole and good.  Like something shifted.

Cy let me hug her and I asked her to continue the healing even as I was not in meditation all the time. She told me to check in with her over the next few days to measure things. I'm sure things will be well. I felt such a good feeling after that session and I hope it will only continue.

I have no idea how this will manifest in myself or my daughter. I hope good things will flow from it.

This afternoon I baked cookies and grilled some burgers. I have a large ancestral rock that I have dedicated in the garden for ancestral offerings. I took my daughter with me to leave out offerings for them this evening. She is taking to this pagan thing so quickly and easily. I love it.

My next task after completing this line of healing is to move to my mother's fathers line.

Periods of Self Doubt

This happens almost on a yearly basis.  I have been working with certain deities for a few years and things go well for the most part. I have been working with Freya on deepening my ancestral connections, specifically Disir.   I pray to Sigyn almost every day for compassion and patience.
Thor seems to be interested in my physical and mental health.  I feel pushes from Him to eat more salads and keep up my physical activity. 

But Loki has been tough.  I've been waffling lately. It happens more than I'd like it to.  Not my faith in Him, but my doubt that the messages I am receiving actually come from Him. I have this anxiety about being duped and it is really distressing at times.

Last time this happened was almost a year ago and I think I wrote about it. I reached out to a reader for a blind reading and it was a disaster. Thank goodness for friends to help me out. I've been feeling this doubt creeping in again.  There has been a bit of talk about "discernment" in the groups I am in and I wish I wasn't so susceptible sometimes to certain suggestions. I am naturally skeptic so faith in general in things that I can't see or put my finger on are a stretch to begin with.  When I am encouraged to be skeptical it taps into my natural tendency and things get cynical.

And so I have to start googling "How do you know. . ." and consider another blind reading. This time I may contact a well reputed reader, one I have bought magickal supplies from before. Or perhaps I'll look at a local reader that Angela knows. It might be better to do it in person.  Not sure at this point.

I did my own reading this afternoon and it seemed to confirm the relationship dynamics that were at play here. The messages matched the pattern of how things have been going and the future influences and outcomes were positive for the most part. It seems to say that I have to stay the course and make sure I am doing things in proper order and in a proper way in order to determine a good harvest.

Funny Ingwaz and Jera have been appearing around me quite a bit as well. This just reinforces the rune reading. But I can't get a straight answer from the pendulum.  But that might just be me because I barely use it. 

I won't make the mistake of getting a reading from an unkown like last time. I guess I"ll look into local readers first. Just really need someone outside of myself calming me down.  I am too afraid my mind will twist the reading and see what I want to see. Like ignoring the fact that certain cards are reversed, especially major arcana cards.

The messages aren't negative or abusive. It's very loving and supporting which is what makes it easy to accept. It's just different from the kinds of things others seem to be getting sometimes. I wonder how much is my mind and fantasy or wishful thinking. I have never had this level of connection before. It's weird to have practiced paganism and worshipped old gods for over 20 years and then have things change suddenly like this.

In the past I could feel presences but they were subtle, gentle, and didn't come often. The Norse Pantheon seems very loud and in your face. I have felt tingles, heat, pressure, and really strong emotions in connection to them. This is completely new to my experiences and it shakes me a bit so I have to wonder, Is there a spirit messing with me, masquerading and feeding my fantasies so it can feed off of my emotional energy like a vampire? Or is this shit real and I need to adjust and get used to it?

It's going to take me some time to investigate and marinate in these questions.

Devaluation of the Goddess (Freya)

https://lookaside.fbsbx.com/file/DevaluationofIrishGoddess.pdf?token=AWzObK-9i4_xBrzUB8eeXe_nwWAMJfomNQzVWAZI1l2Sd0XCdA_zpN1ZzzGDXzygECK6Wdb6SlUtUh8ebHIBgcg1yl-0aSC5qncYAaIOFEcHXiyG__pLe5_BZEcZEebIezTj2MFCbJY1VKW64XqR30pIhtPBGq4kCtjF6sm-mXtYcA



This is a well developed Master's Thesis on the demotion of the goddess Morrighan.  The table that describes the states of demotion could be applied to any goddesses whose history we know of.

The stages of the demotion of Anu start with her as a Sovereign goddess connected to water and rivers. Then she becomes a land and fertility goddess during the times of agriculture. The she is splintered into numerous goddesses, many holding power over specific aspects of society and life.  Specialization.  Warfare became more common for numerous reasons, protecting territory, warring over resources and women.  The Iron Age was a military time. This is when the warrior aspect of the Morrighan developed. It was a moral demotion to tie her to the suffering and death of wars.  She is parallel with the Valkyries in this.  About 1500 years ago she became associated with the Banshee, those who wail and warn of death. The church saw these as ghosts.   Most recently only fractions of her former Great Goddess self have survived the conversion: Brigid as a saint specifically.

We can apply something similar to Freya.

The Vanir are agricultural gods, at least at the time when they came in contact with the Aesir. Njord, her father is associated with the ocean and harbors. Frey, her brother is associated with grain.  Freya was a sovereign goddess who over saw the land. It is possible she was also associated with rivers, but currently I have only UPG for this, and not lore to base it on. Her role was fertility and reproduction.  When the two cultures of the Aesir and the Vanir went to war, she took on her warrior aspect either during the conflict or right after. It is from this that we get her mythology of taking half of the slain into her hall.  As well as her connection to the Valkyries who associated with manipulation the outcome of battles and taking the souls of the slain. I don't know of any associations for her with spirits of the dead other than her connection to the Disir, the honored female dead.    Her worship is said to have lasted longer than any other cult.

The current incarnation of her is as a goddess of love/lust.  The current demotion that she is experiencing in the heathen community today is that of a sex object for the male gaze, or male desire. It is something that is disturbing to many women in the heathen community for multiple reasons.

For one, she is a goddess, and for people to objectify her for their own selfish pleasure is an insult to her power.  Secondly, we come from a culture where women's sexuality is shamed.  Snorri used words like slut and whore for her repeatedly, or implied it.  There is a danger of this shame attaching itself to her because of our own cultural biases.  And then there is the demonization of goddesses.  Associating her with war is a violent thing, and could be twisted to say that she brings death and suffering to others. Her association with the dead can be twisted into necromancy.  I don't see evidence of this currently but it has happened to other goddesses.

My hope is the research, archeology, and the revival of old faiths will help deter these dangers.  We can build back up the true and original meanings of these goddesses, restore our understanding of their powers to what it once was, and avoid the pitfalls that the conversion brought upon them and the people that worshipped them.  Of course, in the case of the Holy Roman Empire, the demotion of these goddesses to either ghosts, demons, or servants of Mary, was very much done intentionally.

Healing Ancestral Trauma

Ancestral work sometimes requires the work of a healer. But not everyone is up to this task. Some of us cannot let go of the trauma we have suffered to develop the openness and compassion to do this work.

But every once in a while along a line of descendants, someone is called to heal the wounds of a bloodline.

I have been thinking of this lately especially along the lines of violence, rape, and childbearing. I am the first woman in my bloodline to have access to contraception. I was sexually active for ten years before I chose to have a child with my husband, conceived because I wanted to, and then not have anymore children because I chose not to.  The first woman in my bloodline to be married to a man when marital rape is a crime in all 50 states.  Married to a man who respects me enough to take no for an answer.  I might be the first woman in my bloodline to not experience sexual violence, domestic violence. I survived emotional and psychological abuse with my ability to love myself intact.

I have been lucky, blessed, privileged, etc. in this lifetime so far.

The crimes of the past, the witch burnings/hangings, the rapes, the kidnappings, the murders, the dead babies and little children lost before they had even a name, weigh heavily on me. It's like I can feel their energy, the crying of the mothers.  It sometimes fuels my rage and my own grief.

Working with Freya is bringing a lot of this out. It has entered my dreams and my meditations. Even waking thoughts. It has made me kind of weird to other people who don't understand what's it's like to view the world while carrying the weight of this knowledge.  Sometimes I can put it down but it's been hard lately.  My glasswork gives me some rest from the echoes.

I'm pasting a few resources for this kind of work if others are interested in doing the same thing. I don't know if I am cut out for it and have expressed my doubts to Freya in my meditations. She seems to think I'll be able to make a dent in this pain that I've inherited.  I guess we shall see.

https://shamanicanimism.com/crazy-witch-soul-retrieval-for-ancestral-trauma/

https://www.amazon.com/Ancestral-Medicine-Rituals-Personal-Healing/dp/1591432693/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1524758830&sr=8-1&keywords=ancestral+medicine

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-me-in-we/201205/how-trauma-is-carried-across-generations

Lady Vanadis

Freya

Blot Gythia

The Lady of ritual who made sacrifices to the gods

Continuing long after the Conversion

It is because of Your dedicated followers and their prayers

We know Your name and the names of the gods

It is because of the love of You and Your work that we have

The Shards of Faith we build upon today.

Weeper of Gold

Lady of tears who knows the depth of love lost and recovered

You teach us that there is wisdom in pain

Lessons in grief

We learn to open our hearts and love without borders

Compassion and Care are strengths

And those who practice Soul Love are to be revered

Seidrkona- Witch

Your power transcends barriers and worlds

You reach into the depths of wisdom

Read the mystery of wyrd

And understand what can be changed and how

You teach us to not passively accept “fate”

But to strive to stand strong and claim what we are due

To embrace the power of our Disir

And take back what was stolen

Sovereign of the Land

You keep the balance between nature and civilization

Give voice to the land and its spirits

It is through your love that Kings are consecrated

And through your disfavor they lose their crowns

Valfreyja Lady of the Slain

You gather warriors for you hall

Choosing according to your own purpose

We know not what moves the gods

But when the time comes and the horn is blown

Your warriors will not hesitate to follow your orders

And fight honorably

Lady of the Disir- She who bears the Cup

You are the source of women's mysteries, magick and power

The well from which our women ancestors draw their strength

May your nourishing waters ever flow

Hail Freya

Disir Ritual

This is a time of year to honor our foremothers,

Our sisters, aunts, grandmothers, near and ancient women

Whose lives have led to our own

Many hands and hearts support our breath and bodies

Their blood and labor still a part of us

Women whose wisdom we have been directly influenced by

Our spiritual ancestors, and wise women whose words and compassion

Helped us through trying times, helped us find our strength

And see our way along our path

Women who we literally owe our existence to

From giving us life through their bodies

From the labor of their hands and minds to keep us and our kin alive

Through harsh winters, wars, famines, and assaults

Their strength and resilience made possible our very breath

Mother Warriors

Some of us are lucky enough to have had living connections

So that songs, and prayers, and ritual have been passed from one to the next

In an unbroken line of maternal wisdom and hearth traditions

Others of us seek the voices of spirits to heal the gap

Bridge the loss of that tradition from the violence of conversion

On this night we seek the voices of our ancestor women

For comfort, love, guidance, protection, wisdom,

The well of our spiritual strength

Hail the Disir

Sovereign of the Land

I was re-reading the article I had written about Freya and Love. I have been reading lately on the Sovereign goddess of the Land and how she functioned in the ancient world.  This is stuff I have known for years but I needed to relearn it. I guess I've forgotten some of the things I used to know.

I spent my teens and early 20s in a spiritual path. Then sometime in my mid 20s I lost that path. I've been so consumed with job, family, daily life mundanity that I didn't spend time on the spiritual.
It took me fifteen years to get back on track.

Freya, as a Vanir goddess, agricultural society, would have been the Sovereign of the Land.  Her "love" was what consecrated kingships.   Calling her a slut is definitely a Christian invention and judgement.  It adds to the idea that the Lokasenna was made up or heavily manipulated by the later Christian writers.

And kings were sometimes worshipped as gods in death.  Ing for example was so loved and his kingdom so prosperous and fertile during his lifetime that he must have been especially "loved" by the land goddess.  When he died and was deified in death it could be implied that Her "love" aided his ascension.

Just thoughts rattling around right now.

Never Ending

"My love is endless"
This is what she said
The timing was uncanny
I had been silently contemplating the ring
Wondering how long You planned to stay
Thinking if the stone breaks. . .
My heart hurt
And that's when her little voice called from the backseat
"Turn off the music.
I want to tell you something."

God Hunger was Sharp Today

I had suffered a depression over the weekend and it took about two days to work my way out of it. I don't stay down long but it is completely paralyzing.  I pretty much stay in bed and cry all day.  I've been very careful to keep away from sleeping pills or alcohol knowing it will only make it worse. This came after a bad anxiety day on Saturday.

But this passed year whenever I had had these bouts, I've experienced a level of support I hadn't had before, at least not consistently. There were periods of intense spiritual support, but it ebbed and waned. That may have had more to do with my mindset and my inability to maintain spiritual development.  Perhaps I am different.  I am being more open and aware consistently.

Today I had an impromptu ritual. I needed to be in front of the fire, doing magickal or ritual things. I practiced the galdr runes that hubby had developed for sacred fire and raised the horn to a few gods: Loki, Sigyn, Thor, Odin.  Then I did some rune work.

I feel a lot better, like that energy has had a place to go.  The fire is still hot and it feels good on my back. 

The Hunger was fierce today. It brought me to tears while driving back from the glass shop.  I'm still tearing up periodically.  I want so strongly and I can't put it into words.

I remember when I was a kid crying myself to sleep wanting something badly enough that I couldn't stop shaking.  Back then it was family and love. I think that might still be a part of what I'm yearning for. Sometimes I feel ungrateful because I have so much, and I have a family that I love.

Maybe it's the Wasteland that author was talking about. Being disconnected from the land, from the cycles of nature.  I needed a walk in the woods, or a fire in the fireplace to feel more human and less like a machine in the mechanism.  I am lucky that I am self employed and I can choose what to do with my day.  I can make changes to my schedule to help myself when I get overwhelmed like this.

I am very lucky.

I worry about my daughter. I don't want the world to drum the magickal thinking out of her the way it did me. I won't have her drenched in guilt and self-hatred the way I was.  She'll be freer than me.  I want to giver her the things I didn't have, non-material things like love and belonging, and it's a tall order in this world.