I have been processing two more lines in the passed few months. I haven't been keeping track of how long this process has been going on. My mother's grandmothers had quite a few road bumps with quite a few traumatic events. One event left a chasm in the waters of the line. Cy led me through helping her heal it. But she and the grandmothers did most of the work. She stood in between me and the wounded ancestor so I would not be negatively affected by her pain.
The second branch that I connected with was my mother's grandfathers. I was led by Frey this time. He stepped forward to help me with the "alfar". I met Erik as a representative of this line. The line seemed pretty healthy with a few selfish men, a couple of pirate types in it. The one powerful thing that happened was a conversation I was having with Erik in which I described my fear. I really didn't want to work with the male ancestors due to the trauma having mostly come from male ancestors and men in history. I was upset and told him I really just wanted them to admit they were wrong. After a few seconds I felt this rumbling, and this chorus of male voices saying We Were Wrong.
It was scary and powerful, and I admit I cried, but it felt good to hear it. I felt something shift a little inside and some of the rage subside a bit. I know I'll never be fully over the rage and pain, some of it is from my own childhood and not from the ancestors. But at least I'll be able to separate what I inherited and what I carry that comes from me.
I am currently working with my paternal grandmothers. Three sisters came to me and they work together. They are very jovial. One of them is the first ancestor that ever approached me way in the beginning of my heathen journey before I ever started seeking them out. Miranda was the older woman with the keys who protected me and comforted me in the meditations our former gothi led. He took his meditations from another book and some of the wording was unfortunate. In telling someone to picture a safe place like their childhood home, it makes the assumption that there was no history of abuse or neglect in that home. I flinched in those meditations. Miranda showed up that first time to comfort me and she's been around since then. Her two sisters Xalba and Ranalda came into the picture with this working.
Interestingly Freyr stayed with me even with it being a grandmothers line. I hope to have an actual vegetable garden next year that I can dedicate to him.
The sisters seemed to come from the coast of the North sea, eastern Europe, and the line seems pretty healthy except for one overbearing woman who disempowered her daughter by ruling aggressively over her. The sisters worked with this daughter first and things have lightened up in that area. They indicated today during meditation that they would work on the mother.
This dynamic may be the source of over-controlling women in the family line. Aggressive dominating matriarchs. There's nothing wrong with being strong but controlling other people's lives for your own benefit and causing such unhappiness in the process is not okay.
On another note, the devotional to Sigyn is coming along. I have a few sections typed up in a manuscript file. I am still composing a few more sections. I have history research about women's roles in ancient european society to cover, and some general information about goddesses as well to do. I have to balance keeping it simple since this is a devotional to Sigyn and not a historical treatise. But I need historic information to back any assertions I make about women's history or women's religious and cultural traditions.
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