It is spring and the earth is waking up
I can see the flowers in the lawn and garden
bright spots of color in the grey
I feel the energy rise in me
a desperate need to run barefoot
to break the soil in my hands
Birds are singing louder than ever
Ravens carrying twigs for their nests
I went for a long walk the other day
wanting to feel rooted in my place
After days of travel hundreds of miles
I still feel You with me always
I wonder about the time past
What it meant when I thought You would leave
Was it my addiction that called You?
Or do You want me just as much?
Was I tormenting myself again needlessly?
I don't know why I still do this
I create tragedy even in my fantasies
I make myself cry
It's the blue print that I know
sadness and disappointment
Ironically comforting as if pouring my emotions out
could help me sleep and be calm again
I still don't trust being happy
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