This happens almost on a yearly basis. I have been working with certain deities for a few years and things go well for the most part. I have been working with Freya on deepening my ancestral connections, specifically Disir. I pray to Sigyn almost every day for compassion and patience.
Thor seems to be interested in my physical and mental health. I feel pushes from Him to eat more salads and keep up my physical activity.
But Loki has been tough. I've been waffling lately. It happens more than I'd like it to. Not my faith in Him, but my doubt that the messages I am receiving actually come from Him. I have this anxiety about being duped and it is really distressing at times.
Last time this happened was almost a year ago and I think I wrote about it. I reached out to a reader for a blind reading and it was a disaster. Thank goodness for friends to help me out. I've been feeling this doubt creeping in again. There has been a bit of talk about "discernment" in the groups I am in and I wish I wasn't so susceptible sometimes to certain suggestions. I am naturally skeptic so faith in general in things that I can't see or put my finger on are a stretch to begin with. When I am encouraged to be skeptical it taps into my natural tendency and things get cynical.
And so I have to start googling "How do you know. . ." and consider another blind reading. This time I may contact a well reputed reader, one I have bought magickal supplies from before. Or perhaps I'll look at a local reader that Angela knows. It might be better to do it in person. Not sure at this point.
I did my own reading this afternoon and it seemed to confirm the relationship dynamics that were at play here. The messages matched the pattern of how things have been going and the future influences and outcomes were positive for the most part. It seems to say that I have to stay the course and make sure I am doing things in proper order and in a proper way in order to determine a good harvest.
Funny Ingwaz and Jera have been appearing around me quite a bit as well. This just reinforces the rune reading. But I can't get a straight answer from the pendulum. But that might just be me because I barely use it.
I won't make the mistake of getting a reading from an unkown like last time. I guess I"ll look into local readers first. Just really need someone outside of myself calming me down. I am too afraid my mind will twist the reading and see what I want to see. Like ignoring the fact that certain cards are reversed, especially major arcana cards.
The messages aren't negative or abusive. It's very loving and supporting which is what makes it easy to accept. It's just different from the kinds of things others seem to be getting sometimes. I wonder how much is my mind and fantasy or wishful thinking. I have never had this level of connection before. It's weird to have practiced paganism and worshipped old gods for over 20 years and then have things change suddenly like this.
In the past I could feel presences but they were subtle, gentle, and didn't come often. The Norse Pantheon seems very loud and in your face. I have felt tingles, heat, pressure, and really strong emotions in connection to them. This is completely new to my experiences and it shakes me a bit so I have to wonder, Is there a spirit messing with me, masquerading and feeding my fantasies so it can feed off of my emotional energy like a vampire? Or is this shit real and I need to adjust and get used to it?
It's going to take me some time to investigate and marinate in these questions.
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