http://msmagazine.com/blog/2017/11/30/sexual-assault-sex-panic/
I cannot like this article enough and it's so complicated as to why. It might feel like a panic to men because they don't really understand the scale of what is being revealed here. It's like believing the chivalric romance of the AntiBellum period of the South then witnessing what happens in a sugar cain field. Men have no idea and it's because they are men or masculine. This article was Especially cutting about the message given to women and girls, that our bodies don't belong to us and we are worthless, without humanity. The words running through my head in Nov 2016, the day after the election after 48 sleepless hours carrying around a knife for fear of the tidal wave of male aggression that electing an abuser to the White House might bring (and in some places it has) was literally "I am not worthless. I am not garbage." Because it literally felt like half this country just said to the other half that women, and queerfolk, and non-white people, etc. are garbage that they want disposed of. I don't know if you have ever experienced what it's like to have people tell you they want you dead to your face while staring you in the eye, that you represent everything they despise, that the world would be a better place without you. I have and it sucks. Especially when it comes from family. That damage never left me. November 2016 cracked that wound wide open again. I have never had a relapse like that in my life. The last time I was as low as that was high school when I still was trapped in that house. I know from reading that a lot of other women experienced similar relapses after that election. Even psychiatrists and doctors noted an uptick in symptoms and increases in meds or new prescriptions. I wish I was a better writer. I don't know how to describe to people who have never experienced this. What it's like to believe with evidence that the world is out to kill you. That there are organizations, groups of people that meet up with the intent to organize plots to literally exterminate you. There are people in law enforcement and in government who are trying to make your existence illegal. That if they could, they would march from house to house and gather up all the people they hate and bury them in a big pit. I am one of those people that they want to kill. Myself and my daughter would make more than one of their lists. I knew that before November. I knew the GOP stood for those people who want me and my family dead. And yet, people who know me, who are in my life, people I don't even know how they voted, voted in favor of a group of people who could literally achieve that. It feels like pre-WWII Germany Trying to convince people that the gas chambers are coming. I have looked my husband in the eye and asked him what our red line is. When should we grab the bug out bags and run? He wants to stay and hunker down hoping for the best. I think he forgot that my ancestors are Jewish. I have no problem stating my identity here. I've stated it elsewhere enough, the state doesn't need a facebook post to confirm that I am an undesirable. I am bisexual, pagan, Ashkenazi, Feminist, left-wing, socialist, pro-abortion, bleeding heart liberal. Emphasis on the bleeding heart. I and people like me will be on that Kill List. I will not be in their breeding program. And that is definitely what they have in store for desirable women in this country. Christian Nationalists believe in early marriage and Quiverfull breeding. And they are arm-in-arm with the White Nationalists with the same goals. I am not overreacting when I say the end is near. Only a wildfire of force and destruction could turn this tide back. The marches and the protests give me hope. Literally it is the hope that I might live. Huge tangent: Fighting for women's rights, fighting for women to have control of their bodies and the right to protect their bodies from abuse, is part of the bigger picture. Breaking women down into things that men can possess is part of how these fascist groups take charge. If you can get the women under your control, then you can control the messages taught to children and "breed" your own society. That's why these groups have fought so hard to control schools and textbook companies. The Hand that Rocks the Cradle. . . But women's humanity enshrined into legislation, enforced by our court system, and a society that teaches women are people, is a massive threat to the fascist agenda. They will stand against it at every turn. And no one is not contributing in some way. Even I, in writing this contribute in some way to division between people. But how do you converse with people who you know, and keep hearing in the back of your mind, They Want Me Dead? How do you share a community with people when that's hanging over your head? I'm a runner, a wanderer. I've always traveled and moved around. I told myself it was always for a job or college. And it was. You need income to live. But there was always that thought that things will be better somewhere else. I'll find community, people who think like me, kinship. For the past 7 years for the first time I've settled in one place and tried to build community. This is a big change for me. I've been an "escape artist" my entire life. I don't know how to do this. And being alone hurts. Depending on other people is really scary. Even if they are good and reliable people, bad things could happen and you lose them. I keep feeling a need to test myself to make sure I still have my survival skills.
Childhood abuse really fucks up your world view.
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