30 Foot Anaconda

Had a really messed up dream the other night.

I dreamed there was a 30 foot Anaconda in the basement. It had been caged but got out and I was at the task of locking doors and windows to keep it contained so it didn't kill me in my sleep.
I remember planning how to unwind the body if it managed to wrap around a part of me.

I woke up about 130 am and went to check the windows and doors.  Tom was still up and asked me what was up.  I told him honestly.  It was really creepy and my anxiety was high.  I don't know if this was a manifestation of my anxiety of if it was a warning.

I tend to have dreams about reptiles trying to eat me when something bad is about to happen.
Hope nothing does.

I felt like even Loki was like, check you doors.

How much of this is Truth?

What do I do with all this Love?
It overfills my heart until eyes flow
Whenever I feel You wrapped around me
A gentle thought caress
My heart hurts with reaching for You
This piece, this shard, is mine
I keep it secret, jealously
I can't stand to share, to let it go
It is mine
As much as I am Yours
My heart, my blood, my life
For as long as You want me
For as long as Love shall last

Stay close, my Love, so I can feel You
Breathe You in
Wrap myself up inside of You
You, so much more than one small vessel can contain
Hold me close until You feel like Home
I can't deny You anymore

Priestess at the Cauldron

 I am constantly coming across stories and UPG of Loki and His family that are not always so respectful or loving. From Re-constructionists to Norse Shamans, there seems to be a continued attitude of dismissal most specifically of his second wife, Sigyn. Angrboda is easier to understand in a religion that focuses so much on warrior prowess.

I see it as a constant misunderstanding. People just not "getting it". I, as well, had a hard time processing the quiet aspect of Her nature. I've been a Feminist with a capital F since I was in my single age digits. It's hard for me growing up with the messages of the second wave to then accept a domestic and gentle figure as such a powerful Goddess. Angrboda was easier, since my upbringing involved using anger as a source of power and catalyst for evolution.

I held a blot to honor Sigyn recently. I approached with a desire to get to know who She was independent of the labels of mother, wife, caretaker. This was not an easy task as I found out. As I stared into the fire after offering libation I could feel a soft presence beside me.

She doesn't appear child like to me. One of Her most common kennings is "child bride". I often bristle when I hear it as She may have been young when She married but She didn't stay that way. Perhaps She senses this bias in me, and so She appears as a young woman with unbound hair.

The first thing I felt was an insistence on not ignoring or erasing Her connections to those She loves. As much as the drive for independence in me wants to do this thing, She does not wish it. She loves her family and takes pride in Her care of them and even the labels that connect Her to them. Wife is not said with a sneer the way it sometimes is among radical feminists. The word holds deep emotion, connection, and reverence for Her.

I started to hear some other words She felt strongly about.

Hearthfire

Endurance

Priestess at the Cauldron

Perseverence

Home Family Safety

Love

Committment

Doing what is necessary or needed

And then She tried to teach me a lesson, to help me get passed the instinctive flinch I had for the labels others ascribed to Her.

The rest is from the journal entry I wrote while in front of the fire:

"People see what they want to see. No one ever really knows all of who you are. Often they take in the first impression they have of you and they don't acknowledge or "see" the person you become, evolving over years of life through happiness and pain.

Where Loki is the loophole, the escape hatch; Sigyn is the lynchpin, the link that holds all others together. Her strength is hidden, beneath the surface. I think that is why She is misunderstood.

(I have written about our warrior focused culture before)

She is called weak because they don't understand the sacrifices made to protect those you love.

Perhaps why my mother and I didn't "see" each other. She gave up things to protect me from further harm. I never knew what her sacrifices were and I don't know what it cost her to keep that family together with all its toxicity.

I resent the kenning "child bride". She doesn't. It's simple truth. But the image others hold of Her is only that and hasn't evolved from there, the first impression.

My judgment is part of my feminist second wave training. The voice in my head that demands a more masculine sign of strength. To stand still, to stay, to resist even what we have hoped for all our lives, takes as much power as to act.

The Aesir calling to Her to abandon Him with the promise of acceptance previously withheld, like the lure of being popular in school, or getting something you have desperately craved forever. All you have to do is betray your love, your soul, your promises, your self.

So She teaches us to reject the easy road. Stay to your path. Keep your promises in the face of overwhelming temptation, not just of reward and pleasure, but of comfort and ease. She teaches us not to betray our core self just to make life easier.

This is a strength of character, a strength of heart, not just muscle."

My thoughts from today expand on these ideas further. I am reminded of all the teen movies about how a young girl sacrifices her sense of self, right and wrong, her soul sometimes, in order to win the approval of the group and become popular.

How many times have we remained silent when we saw wrong committed because of social pressure? How many times have we hidden a part of ourselves so we could be loved and accepted by our tribe? How many times have we taken the hard road and stood up for an outcast only to be outcast ourselves?

Sigyn teaches the lesson of not going along with the group. She may have been offered the acceptance and love She might have always wanted from her tribe, but in exchange She would have had to leave Loki alone in the cave and turn against Her heart's deepest values. Sacrifice Her sense of core self and all She loved for the acceptance of the group.

She said no. She chose the hard road and stood by Her husband who had become or had always been an outcast. She was the spirit of that teenage girl who stood up against the popular bullies and showed them who they really were, rather than become one of them and do the easy thing.

99% of the planet fails in this task at least once in their lives. We give in to easiness, to acceptance, to the love of a romantic partner, and in exchange a little piece of us dies from neglect and erasure.

One of the kennings that has been echoing in my mind all week is Priestess at the Cauldron.

We use fire to purify, to burn away that which is dead, old and of no more use. We also burn offerings in the fire to the Gods. If Loki is the fire, then the three stones He was bound to act as a tripod to hold aloft the cauldron, and Sigyn is the priestess stirring the chemical reaction, the Incantation Fetter.

Her work is one of transformation. To reject that which is not of true value in exchange for something of immortal value. Our soul and spiritual evolution will outlive the opinions of the tribe.

Thoughts on Othala Rune

 I've been contemplating Othala today, since this morning. It has been breaking down into thoughts about the different runes that can be traced inside of its shape. Tracing the story of the three runes from top to bottom leads to insight behind the rune Othala itself. It tells a story of how individuals and societies breath into each other, circulate energy and thrive.

There is also a warning against stagnation, like a limb that has lost circulation, the flesh dies, and the blood is poisoned killing the entire organism.

I believe that anyone that uses Othala to justify racism, doesn't understand Othala.

Here's a basic break down of how I understand the runes found in the symbol of Othala.

Ingwaz (the shape of a diamond)

This rune is sacred space, a sanctuary. It is a necessary separation for spiritual transformation to occur, as in ritual in a temple. This space is the self, kindred, ancestors, spiritual resources, and the things we need for self care. Without this separate space to do these acts and pursue internal evolution, we cannot grow or work on our strengths which will serve us in the greater world.

This rune looks like a seed. In the darkness of our subconscious and in the privacy of the home, growth and healing can occur. This separation from the light, under the soil, is a necessary part of personal growth. However, do not become trapped here. A seed that does not germinate, rots and molders.

Gebo (the shape of an X)

This rune simply means a gift for a gift. It is an equal exchange. Our ancestors sacrificed and worked so they could survive and ultimately their energy spent brought about our existence. We respond to this gift by working and sacrificing for our own children so they may live and grow beyond needing us, just as our line of ancestors did before.

Further, the community around us also contributed to the survival of our ancestors, as did the land, the sea, and the air. The lesson of this rune is to give back to our communities and the earth equal to what we have been given. We help those who have helped us. We compost, recycle, and care for the earth and its spirits, just as we have gotten food, clothing, and shelter from it. From this exchange we create sustainability and balance.

Much like how a tree spends all summer using water and soil to create leaves in order to feed itself. Then those leaves fall to the ground and compost into the soil, once again feeding the tree so it can create more leaves. The cycle continues. Rake and cart the leaves away from the tree and you starve the roots so the tree becomes weak and sick.

Kenaz (the shape of a sideways V, downward facing in Othala rune)

This is the rune of fire, of kinetic energy. It is artistic divine inspiration, the friction necessary for evolution, destruction and recreation, for change.

To gain inspiration, we must sometimes come outside of ourselves, our sanctuary, and interact with the greater world. The kinetic energy of bouncing ideas off of other people, the friction and heat that creates, is where creative innovation lives. This rune feeds the health of the community as a whole through the social creation of ideas that lead to survival and even thriving societies.

It is like the flow of blood through the body that carries heat and creates heat at the same time. The flow of sap that feeds the limbs of the tree. If you cut off this flow, the branches fall dead to the ground.

Othala (encompasses the previous runes)

Putting together all three rune lessons, it creates a formula for both the self and society.

One must have a strong sense of self, a solid sanctuary from where they can cultivate their spiritual foundation. Their home is at the center of Ingwaz. The rune itself looks like a house with four walls.

The lack of a strong foundation, a connection to ancestors and gods, can lead to a personality that is easily influenced and swayed in any direction. A lack of morals or ethics is destructive to the self and the community. So develop a strong foundation, and an understanding of self versus other or personal boundaries, an instinctive sense of what is right.

Having done this, your gifts and strengths will be unveiled. Knowing yourself is the first step to figuring out what you have to contribute. Seek to cultivate these gifts in preparation to share them with your community.

The bottom of the rune could represent the front yard of the house. This part, Kenaz, challenges you to leave your sanctuary, get outside of your comfort zone, and mingle with others. Travel and challenge yourself to communicate with people who are different. It is through this friction, even conflict, that societal evolution occurs. Even wars have led to innovations in science as well as cultural diffusion.

Thoughts:

The danger comes from when a person hoards their gifts and knowledge, when they refuse to leave the sanctuary and interact with the greater world. This lack of diversity, not challenging our prejudices, leads to decay. Without the friction of Kenaz, there is no innovation, problems are not solved or not solved efficiently, and society begins to die. The circulation of energy is stopped and things become stagnant and begin to rot.

On a personal level, teachers cannot be found, and the teacher cannot pass on knowledge to students. The oral tradition dies, and knowledge immolates inside the mind of the hoarder. Societies that wall themselves off, that reject the lessons of Gebo and Kenaz, will suffocate inside their own walls.

Individuals that wall themselves off, lack the friction of interaction, can begin to develop mental illness, depression, and a violent personality. Even without a family history of mental health issues.  But even arguments can lead to moments of inspiration and leaps of thought.  Don't be afraid to engage with the outside world.

Growth happens where the individual interacts with the community. 

Possible Norse Holiday Calendar

Jan Feast of Thorri- Old Man Winter Thor's Blot	July The All Thing- Tyr Blot LokaBrenna
Feb Disir Blot Skadi Blot	August Celebration of First Harvest Victory Blot
Mar Ostara Blot Idunna Blot	Sept Frey Blot- Grain Harvest Gerda Bot
Apr Sigr Blot- Toast for Victory and Success Sigyn Blot	Oct Winter Nights Blot Hel's Blot- Samhain
May Freya Blot Beltain Walpurgisnacht Celebrations of Nerthus, Jord, Earth Mother	Nov. Blood Blot Celebration of the Slaughter
June Midsummer Blot Sunna Blot Baldr Blot	Dec Mother's Night- Frigga Yule- Odin's Wild Hunt

Reflections on Sigyn, From January 2017

I've been meditating on this quite a bit. Especially ever since I started offering to Sigyn. Recently connecting more strongly to Loki seems to have increased my discomfort. There have been times that I have seriously questioned why I am heathen.
For 22 years I have been Celtic Wiccan and pagan in general. I echo some of the frustration I have heard about the pagan community in Buffalo being watered down and not much for commitment or follow through. Every few years it seems that the Pagan community depends on one or two people to do all the work, they burn out and quit, then there's a rush to fill the void. We saw this with the recent PPD.

I've seen it in my own attempts to start discussion groups, classes and gatherings. Many people would mark interest, I'd ask for dates and time suggestions. No one would respond and so I'd just randomly pick one. I have had great success, but also really disappointing turnout. It's frustrating. I understand why many leave the Buffalo pagan community exhausted and bitter. I've been one of those people.
But the loss of community bonds doesn't effect my faith in my deities. Much like a bad church experience doesn't sour a Christians belief. They just find another church. So when I networked with a bunch of heathens over the past year, it felt like an opportunity to grow in a new direction.

This is not against my community. I love my Kindred and we are doing great things together. I think my disquiet is more with heathenism in general.

You see, the lore was written down by Christian men. As a result, any stories women told each other, any personal practices between mother and daughter, domestic traditions and prayers, were not recorded. I imagine there were goddesses worshipped that we will never know the names of as well. Men either did not know of these things or deliberately left them out cuz Christianity is sexist AF, especially around 1000 CE. Around the time when it was a common belief that women had no souls and were as beasts of the forest.
But I digress.

For 22 years I practiced and taught a spiritual belief that held women and women's gifts as equal in value to men's. I won't get into some of the controversies around this. That's not what this is about. I left Christianity for feminist reasons and found love and optimism in the Goddess. It literally saved me. Working with Brigid helped me develop confidence and self love. Working with Lugh helped me heal from trauma and learn what healthy masculinity was. I was able to rewrite the toxic script I'd been taught as a child.
So I bring 40 years of survival, of feminism, of love and compassion to any group I'm a part of. Don't get me wrong, I'm a rageful bitch when I need to be as well. Ask any body who knew me in high school.
Heres where my doubt comes in. Within the Heathen community there is a tremendous emphasis on the warrior archetype. I'm not saying that women can't be warriors. I don't care who doubts shield maidens' existence. If there are warrior goddesses then there WERE warrior women.

The problem with the warrior archetype and any community with too much of it, is it relies on verbose, loud, and aggressive displays of strength. It relies on battle field prowess as proof of a persons value to society. It forgets that behind every raiding party, there are thousands of farmers, craftsmen, women and children who support their ability and resources so they CAN raid and go to war. These groups forget this quiet contribution to the warriors success. I see memes celebrating swords and battle but no memes about food, harvesting, weaving cloth, building boats, shields, houses, etc. Where are the toasts to the healers, the ones who built the first plow, the women who invented food preservation and animal husbandry? Are they less important because they don't spill blood, or physically subdue other humans on the battlefield?

I find it personally painful to hear people dismiss Sigyn, "the perfect housewife", as just a wife, as a doormat, as unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I see this as another extension of misogyny. There is a neglect of domestic work, of quiet strength inherent in this attitude. It neglects non violent contributions to the sustenance of a community. Even today our textbooks overwhelmingly teach about wars, generals, and battles.

Sigyns works (like many stay at home parents, many people who Daily engage in the task of keeping things clean, children fed and alive) are forgotten or dismissed because they are not loud and aggressive. Sigyn doesn't scream from the battlements her own glory. Instead, she embodies the realm of hospitality. She perseveres in the daily tasks of providing for her family. The house is clean, stocked and ready for any guests that may pop over. Being prepared to entertain and feed guests is essential, for you never know when a god might show up at your door requesting admittance.

And as for her strength, Sigyn had two sons, Vali and Narvi, and a husband, Loki. Because Loki dared to hold a mirror in front of the gods threatening their own ego driven self-delusions, he was chased and captured. Sigyn's one son, Vali, was turned into a wolf and he ripped apart his brother. Narvi's intestines were used to bind Loki to the rock in the cave. After witnessing the destruction of her children, probably still covered in their blood, Sigyn chose to go into the cave. Instead of witnessing the annihilation of her family and running screaming away, she walked toward danger. She chose of her own free will to stay by her husbands side, instead of repudiating him.

She endured the worst fear a parent could have, the anguish of the loss of her children, and still had the strength of heart and mind to walk into that nightmare ordeal and do what she could to ease her husbands torture. Some versions of the story say she fashioned the cup to catch the poison drops from the snake out of her child's skull.

It is one of the marks of a warriors soul to run toward danger instead of away. Soldiers run toward the explosions. Fire fighters run toward the fire. But Sigyn isn't seen as strong like they are. Maybe because she is female. Maybe because what she does is so hidden in the darkness and so still. She holds the bowl over his head to collect the poison, standing still for days, weeks, years until the bowl is full. Then she must leave to pour it out. When the poison strikes him, he lashes out and shakes creating earthquakes.
Like much of domestic work, people don't seem to notice it until it is absent. What caretakers do is taken for granted until the kids aren't fed, there are no clean dishes to eat from, or no food in the cupboards. We notice the absence of these life supporting tasks. So few say thank you when these tasks are being done.

This is the dissatisfaction that I've been feeling. There feels like there is a tremendous imbalance in Heathenry in general. It's not one that can't be remedied by paying less attention to things other than battles and physical strength. Saying thank you to the host at gatherings, helping with dishes, helping with food, chairs, and tables.

Making space for introverts, quiet people, and women in particular, at meetings and gatherings so ALL voices and points of view are heard. These are simple daily things that can be done to show appreciation.

On a deeper level, we need to make room for and challenge ourselves and others to give time and space to non warrior gods and goddesses. To create balance, they need equal time and equal presence in our blots and sumbols.

It may not be strictly written in the lore, but keep in mind who recorded and heavily edited/censored the lore.
There have been times when I have been frustrated with writings and reviews from the Heathen community. I feel an element has been missing. Much like many men feel Wicca is too Goddess oriented, Heathenry has a similar opposite problem. Perhaps it has to do with the Christian influence. I don't know and I don't really think the historic cause is relevant currently. I'd rather focus on solutions.
I have been developing a close relationship with Loki as of late. He is very protective of his wife and I often find one does not simply meet her, but is vetted and then introduced to her by Loki. Loki is one who challenges boundaries And stagnation. If there is any place where energy is stuck, where progress has faltered, he often makes it a point to wrench it free, sometimes violently.

My decades working with feminism and Wicca have made me ultra sensitive to imbalances like these. My current work with Loki and Sigyn have helped me figure out some things that need to be addressed for balance sake. And Loki is a master at lighting a fire under peoples asses. I've been meditating on this uneasy feeling I've had for a while. I don't have the whole picture but I believe this may address a huge part of it.

My Kindred has many followers of Loki and a respect for Loki in general. It is this spirit of openness and inclusion that has kept me here. I honestly think if it wasn't for the balance of energy and perspectives of my Kindred, I might have not stayed in Heathenry for long if I ever explored it at all.

I know this is just a Facebook post. Total crap out reach.
But I know I'm not the only one who has noticed this. Men and women have written about the need for multiple perspectives, and women's voices. Maybe giving goddesses like Sigyn their due would help fill that need.

Islam didn't have a hand in saving Christianity from extinction?

"Actually it was Islam in Spain that preserved what would later become christian technology and intellectualism after ancient Rome fell. Not only did it preserve historical information but invented and created new technology and science. Keep in mind this was the time when Christian Europe suffered under the Dark Ages and had lost all of that Roman intellectual knowledge and capability.  Later, Christian pre-Renaissance scholars went to university in places like Toledo and Catalina in Spain and took back what they learned to Northern and Western Europe. This kicked off the Renaissance. Without the Renaissance there would have been no imperialism, exploration and mapping of the unknown world and establishment of the colonies. Christian Europe owes a huge debt to the Universities and sophisticated societies of the Islamic Empire for its existence up until the fall of the Empire  (a huge part is due to the Mongol invasion and destruction of Baghdad; the intellectual and cultural capital of that empire). Baghdad had once been an oasis with forests of palms and water gardens. It never really recovered from that destruction. Many historians believe that it was this destruction that not only caused the empire to fall but for Islamic culture to curl inward and swing from intellectual, sophisticated and open to swing in the direction of hostile toward outsiders, conservative politically, and religious fundamentalist. Just think how different the world may have been if the Mongols had not sacked the Eastern half of the empire. Hmmmm."



http://news.yahoo.com/video/school-history-assignment-causes-controversy-131031588.html