For 22 years I have been Celtic Wiccan and pagan in general. I echo some of the frustration I have heard about the pagan community in Buffalo being watered down and not much for commitment or follow through. Every few years it seems that the Pagan community depends on one or two people to do all the work, they burn out and quit, then there's a rush to fill the void. We saw this with the recent PPD.
I've seen it in my own attempts to start discussion groups, classes and gatherings. Many people would mark interest, I'd ask for dates and time suggestions. No one would respond and so I'd just randomly pick one. I have had great success, but also really disappointing turnout. It's frustrating. I understand why many leave the Buffalo pagan community exhausted and bitter. I've been one of those people.
But the loss of community bonds doesn't effect my faith in my deities. Much like a bad church experience doesn't sour a Christians belief. They just find another church. So when I networked with a bunch of heathens over the past year, it felt like an opportunity to grow in a new direction.
This is not against my community. I love my Kindred and we are doing great things together. I think my disquiet is more with heathenism in general.
You see, the lore was written down by Christian men. As a result, any stories women told each other, any personal practices between mother and daughter, domestic traditions and prayers, were not recorded. I imagine there were goddesses worshipped that we will never know the names of as well. Men either did not know of these things or deliberately left them out cuz Christianity is sexist AF, especially around 1000 CE. Around the time when it was a common belief that women had no souls and were as beasts of the forest.
But I digress.
For 22 years I practiced and taught a spiritual belief that held women and women's gifts as equal in value to men's. I won't get into some of the controversies around this. That's not what this is about. I left Christianity for feminist reasons and found love and optimism in the Goddess. It literally saved me. Working with Brigid helped me develop confidence and self love. Working with Lugh helped me heal from trauma and learn what healthy masculinity was. I was able to rewrite the toxic script I'd been taught as a child.
So I bring 40 years of survival, of feminism, of love and compassion to any group I'm a part of. Don't get me wrong, I'm a rageful bitch when I need to be as well. Ask any body who knew me in high school.
Heres where my doubt comes in. Within the Heathen community there is a tremendous emphasis on the warrior archetype. I'm not saying that women can't be warriors. I don't care who doubts shield maidens' existence. If there are warrior goddesses then there WERE warrior women.
The problem with the warrior archetype and any community with too much of it, is it relies on verbose, loud, and aggressive displays of strength. It relies on battle field prowess as proof of a persons value to society. It forgets that behind every raiding party, there are thousands of farmers, craftsmen, women and children who support their ability and resources so they CAN raid and go to war. These groups forget this quiet contribution to the warriors success. I see memes celebrating swords and battle but no memes about food, harvesting, weaving cloth, building boats, shields, houses, etc. Where are the toasts to the healers, the ones who built the first plow, the women who invented food preservation and animal husbandry? Are they less important because they don't spill blood, or physically subdue other humans on the battlefield?
I find it personally painful to hear people dismiss Sigyn, "the perfect housewife", as just a wife, as a doormat, as unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I see this as another extension of misogyny. There is a neglect of domestic work, of quiet strength inherent in this attitude. It neglects non violent contributions to the sustenance of a community. Even today our textbooks overwhelmingly teach about wars, generals, and battles.
Sigyns works (like many stay at home parents, many people who Daily engage in the task of keeping things clean, children fed and alive) are forgotten or dismissed because they are not loud and aggressive. Sigyn doesn't scream from the battlements her own glory. Instead, she embodies the realm of hospitality. She perseveres in the daily tasks of providing for her family. The house is clean, stocked and ready for any guests that may pop over. Being prepared to entertain and feed guests is essential, for you never know when a god might show up at your door requesting admittance.
And as for her strength, Sigyn had two sons, Vali and Narvi, and a husband, Loki. Because Loki dared to hold a mirror in front of the gods threatening their own ego driven self-delusions, he was chased and captured. Sigyn's one son, Vali, was turned into a wolf and he ripped apart his brother. Narvi's intestines were used to bind Loki to the rock in the cave. After witnessing the destruction of her children, probably still covered in their blood, Sigyn chose to go into the cave. Instead of witnessing the annihilation of her family and running screaming away, she walked toward danger. She chose of her own free will to stay by her husbands side, instead of repudiating him.
She endured the worst fear a parent could have, the anguish of the loss of her children, and still had the strength of heart and mind to walk into that nightmare ordeal and do what she could to ease her husbands torture. Some versions of the story say she fashioned the cup to catch the poison drops from the snake out of her child's skull.
It is one of the marks of a warriors soul to run toward danger instead of away. Soldiers run toward the explosions. Fire fighters run toward the fire. But Sigyn isn't seen as strong like they are. Maybe because she is female. Maybe because what she does is so hidden in the darkness and so still. She holds the bowl over his head to collect the poison, standing still for days, weeks, years until the bowl is full. Then she must leave to pour it out. When the poison strikes him, he lashes out and shakes creating earthquakes.
Like much of domestic work, people don't seem to notice it until it is absent. What caretakers do is taken for granted until the kids aren't fed, there are no clean dishes to eat from, or no food in the cupboards. We notice the absence of these life supporting tasks. So few say thank you when these tasks are being done.
This is the dissatisfaction that I've been feeling. There feels like there is a tremendous imbalance in Heathenry in general. It's not one that can't be remedied by paying less attention to things other than battles and physical strength. Saying thank you to the host at gatherings, helping with dishes, helping with food, chairs, and tables.
Making space for introverts, quiet people, and women in particular, at meetings and gatherings so ALL voices and points of view are heard. These are simple daily things that can be done to show appreciation.
On a deeper level, we need to make room for and challenge ourselves and others to give time and space to non warrior gods and goddesses. To create balance, they need equal time and equal presence in our blots and sumbols.
It may not be strictly written in the lore, but keep in mind who recorded and heavily edited/censored the lore.
There have been times when I have been frustrated with writings and reviews from the Heathen community. I feel an element has been missing. Much like many men feel Wicca is too Goddess oriented, Heathenry has a similar opposite problem. Perhaps it has to do with the Christian influence. I don't know and I don't really think the historic cause is relevant currently. I'd rather focus on solutions.
I have been developing a close relationship with Loki as of late. He is very protective of his wife and I often find one does not simply meet her, but is vetted and then introduced to her by Loki. Loki is one who challenges boundaries And stagnation. If there is any place where energy is stuck, where progress has faltered, he often makes it a point to wrench it free, sometimes violently.
My decades working with feminism and Wicca have made me ultra sensitive to imbalances like these. My current work with Loki and Sigyn have helped me figure out some things that need to be addressed for balance sake. And Loki is a master at lighting a fire under peoples asses. I've been meditating on this uneasy feeling I've had for a while. I don't have the whole picture but I believe this may address a huge part of it.
My Kindred has many followers of Loki and a respect for Loki in general. It is this spirit of openness and inclusion that has kept me here. I honestly think if it wasn't for the balance of energy and perspectives of my Kindred, I might have not stayed in Heathenry for long if I ever explored it at all.
I know this is just a Facebook post. Total crap out reach.
But I know I'm not the only one who has noticed this. Men and women have written about the need for multiple perspectives, and women's voices. Maybe giving goddesses like Sigyn their due would help fill that need.
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