Chameleon

I am not charismatic
People are not drawn to me
I've had moments in my youth
When I danced in the rain
When I made people laugh
When I was stubbornly me
And a magnet for the party
I've spent decades trying to blend in
I've forgotten how not to
The survival instinct helps keep you alive
But little pieces are sacrificed on the road
How do I keep it all together?
How do I grow and expand?
How does a chameleon not change it's colors?
Learn to contrast instead of camouflage?
I'm tired and sad
It's July
Perhaps good things will come in August
Maybe I can learn to peel back the layers
Of lies I tell myself
Remove and confront another mask
It feels like it's getting closer