Sugar

My sweet tooth teases me again
Carrot cake and chocolates
The creamy texture on my tongue
The soft tickle of angel hair caramel strands
And edible flowers
"Bake me a cake, my priestess"
Cinnamon rolls and peanut butter chips
Apples dipped in cinnamon whiskey
I can't quite satisfy the emptiness
"Serve me, my lady.
In your hall, at your table,
I will be your Lord.
Sit in my lap
So I may eat from your fingers."
Freshly baked bread and a glass of red wine
Wrapped up in furs and warm flesh
I will breath You in like a fine feast
And let You eat Your fill

Endings

I remember when I was a child
Caught between Nostradamus and The Cold War
The fear and the nightmares
That feeling has returned again
Beside realism and possibility
My anxiety rehearses the panic
The desperate attempts to survive
The escape plans
Living through death or scripting my own
Paranoia tells fantastic Tales

I promised You I would not hate You
I think I understand
As much as my feeble human mind can
You said You'd find me again
You'd recognize my spark

Staring at the doorway to The Abyss
Nothing really Ends
There is no "finished"

"Gods can be moths too", You said.

There is a common metaphor used by those who worship SkyTreader
In his God of Fire aspect
"We are moths to The Flame"
We yearn for that connection
We desperately seek stories and communion With our gods
And ways to sate that emptiness
But the gods can Hunger for us too
We want to reach out, Nourish Them
And in turn find sustenance ourselves
But we have forgotten how
Our stories have been erased
Our rituals and Holy Places have been burned
Our teachers, priests and spirit workers killed and scattered
We have lost The Path
But we still crave Them
And we desperately try to find the way
Lost and having only small pieces of the map

I know You get angry and impatient with us
I am sorry we are so broken and confused
We are missing chunks of ourselves
And sometimes don't know the whole of Your stories
But please be patient and forgiving
Send us omens and visions to guide us
Be assured, we Love You and need You
And we haven't given up Hope

The Best Defense

I don't know how to defend You
You said, I don't have to
But they don't understand and my heart hurt
Because I can't speak "love"
You said, you can't turn around that hatred
You thanked me for wanting to
the puppy has sharp teeth, You said
and I laughed
I don't want to lose sleep
Or rage until I'm manic again
they aren't worth my pain or energy
But when You've given me so much
When you love/are in-love with a god
Loyalty is instinct
you defend who you love and I can't seem to help it
To yell, to argue, fight for You
Even as untrained, unprepared as I am
Even if saying Your name has me exiled
I still choose You

You once boasted it would take you 6 months

I don't think I quite lasted 3
I remember my excuses melting away
The fear subsiding
It scared me because
It reminded me so much of that nightmare
But You aren't him
I trust You
And You don't wield it like a weapon
You are authentically excited to show me things
You are honestly proud of my progress
It is enough to feel You smile
I'm addicted to looking for You
I'm infatuated worshiping You
It took 3 months
Maybe it was chemical
Maybe it was something You said
I've forgotten
But this truth remains

Come to bed, love

Tomorrow is Thursday, I leave on Friday
I have so much to do but never get enough done
There are times I feel Your impatience
Urging me to write, meditate, read
Other times I feel You slowing me down
Wanting me to breathe
Stop and enjoy something or someone
Why do You love me?
How do You love me like this?
I asked these things in the beginning
I'll stop when I get an answer
Even as I have no words for Why I love You
I don't know what opened my heart
And I can't stop it from pouring out
While my to-do list gets even longer
I want to give You more
Time is such a frustrating thing

I've been at a loss for words lately

And I know You've felt it
But You hunt me down anyway
And I don't mind
I wake to feel You near
A flicker of light beside me
Stroking my hand or curling around me
Sometimes I drift back to sleep
Sometimes hunger flares
And I feel myself grasping for You
Whatever embers I can catch
Until I burn myself with Your heat
Are you hungry tonight?
It's almost always yes
If You can catch and hold the hummingbird
I'll give You everything
As many times and ways as You wish
Until my mind wanders again
Making it back to the waterfall
Back to reality
Seizing whatever memories of You I can hold
Trying to find the words to stick my experiences
Like butterflies with a pin